Fleshbaby
2015
It is difficult to describe the Fleshbaby performance. It lasted 3 months and was my first step into durational performance. I was strangely comfortable in the medium, as a young woman (23 at the time) accustomed to performing my personality from all angles. I organized several “happenings” over the course of this 3-month performance, recorded videos of my life living with Fleshbaby, but the true joy I experienced from it was simply going about my day in various states of adhesion to her body.
Fleshbaby was created from the softest, hottest fleece I could find in my flesh tone on Oahu. I traced her outline myself and hand-sewed her together without a seam allowance to give her body a strange and misshapen appearance. I dressed her everyday, gave myself spongebaths, attended lectures, danced at clubs, went to the beach and slept with her alongside my partner at the time.
For the first week, Fleshbaby and I were tied to one another as if she were a life-size puppet. She mimicked my movements but in the favor of keeping me alive: brushing my teeth and not her own, feeding me food but never feeding herself.
Intimate Hostage
Fleshbaby accompanied me in the bathroom, disrobing me and herself, as we worked around one another to keep my body clean and presentable in a new community. At the time I was living in student housing and undergraduate students openly mocked me. I was called the R-word to my face several times. I had students on the shuttle bus to campus ask me if I was disabled or autistic.
The woman I carry
After the first 3 weeks, I transitioned to carrying Fleshbaby like a child. We attended gallery openings together, friends' birthday parties, and more. At concert venues, she would be inspected by security as if she could harbor some weapon or drugs.
During this portion of the performance, Fleshbaby became more human. People referred to her lovingly, as if she were a shy child. This port of the performance lasted about a month, during which I developed a hunch that would become more noticeable in the coming weeks. In addition, it should be noted that I was so hot all of the time. The fleece generated a lot of heat in the 89-degree weather of an Oahu autumn.
Drying off after a shower.
Life Without You
In the final two weeks of the Fleshbaby Performance, I began the separation process.
During this time I journaled daily to track my feelings regarding our time apart. My hunch had developed to accommodate her and I noticed I overcompensated for her side when moving through doorways, around corners, and in lines at the grocery store. I felt cold all of the time even on 90-degree days. But the thing I felt most was lonely. When I touched her again, even after a few minutes, I felt safe and comforted.
Accustomed to the curve and support of my body, the once stiff body of Fleshbaby sagged to create a mournful figure in corners or seated in chairs.
